didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
