i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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