i don't like sucking hair
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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