She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
