that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
