i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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