Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
