Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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