I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize