Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Randomize
