the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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