Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
