Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
