Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
