I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
