Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
