the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
