saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize