She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
