i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
