idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
