Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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