if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
