It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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