can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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