he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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