Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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