put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize