I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Randomize
