why didn't you poke me back
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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