YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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