I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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