My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize