bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
