I wish I could teleport
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
