Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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