I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
