Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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