I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
