I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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