he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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