Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize