I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Its about making memories worth repressing
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
