I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
