this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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