we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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