Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
