My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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