he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
