....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
