I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize