I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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