my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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