I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize