When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize