you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You can't special order awesome
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
