Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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