So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
