new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
God, I missed his penis.
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