you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
