Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
