i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
