I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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