If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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