Ambien. No doubt about it.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
