He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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