I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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