Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
