I'm pants shitting drunk right now
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
